Faith in the middle of loss

(loosing Jeffery)

I lost a husband a few years back, and watching him die, was a nightmare. The "waiting" is torment, you pray all you can, make good confessions, and still they don't recover. It was a turning point for me in my faith, It taught me trust in my God. I went through all the same things as you did. Well Lord if your gonna take him anyway then just do it. Let me get on with it, the torment was so intense, I didn't think I could make one more day. Then the Lord would come through,

I was sitting one such night, Jeffery (my late husband) was asleep on the sofa, very sick from the round of Chemo he had that day, and I knew it wasn't working, they were trying to buy him a couple more years if they could, he had Melanoma. He was getting worse not better. I could see it for myself, no one had to tell me. We were staying at his cousins house in Atlanta, we are from south Georgia. So it helped us to save on Hotel bills when we could stay with them.

Well so you will understand the magnitude of of the story I am about to share I need to tell you first that his cousin disliked TBN, for reasons of his own. So he didn't watch any of their programming at all, I personally love to watch TD Jakes program and a few others as well.

Well there I was, I had lost my peace. So I sat there in my grief, praying, telling the Lord I had lost my peace, and I know that he could raise Jeffery up if He just would, and heal him completely. Well, after grumbling to the Lord a while, sobbing a while, and walking the floor, I decided to just get my mind off it and escape reality a while and watch some TV. So I found the remote flipped it on and guess what came on? You betcha! TBN!!

Apparently it was a re-run. I could tell, by the style of clothes the people were wearing, it was a few years back. And there sat this man pouring out this story, It seemed his son was a wonderful kid, just graduated from high school was going to be a minister or something like that, at a Christian college, He was captain of his ball team, very well loved by the other students, and a Strong Christian.

Well, their house caught fire and the boy died in it. The father was telling how it looked like the whole school turned out for the funeral, and there he was in his grief. He said after a few days when all the well wish-ers were gone and there he and his wife were all alone just them and God all wrapped up in bitterness, that such a loving God would allow this to happen to their son. He had everything going for him he was smart about to step into his life and this tragedy happens, he said all of a sudden he remembered something.

A fellow teacher coming through the receiving line at the funeral and giving him this word. She said I was up all night praying for you and I don't claim to be a prophetess but I believe this word is for you and she told him the scripture the Lord brought to her heart:

Isaiah 57:1 The righteous perish,

and no one ponders it in his heart;

devout men are taken away,

and no one understands

that the righteous are taken away

to be spared from evil. (NIV)

Well, when he said that it pierced my heart. All I could do was cry. I Knew I had just received a word from MY God. None of this was coincidence. And I knew He was going to take Jeffery to save him from something worse down the road. He died exactly a month later.

God is concerned with what concerns us, He is a compassionate God, and when our heart breaks so does His. I will never forget this as long as I live, and He reminds me of it from time to time when the road looks to dark and bleak and I feel like I can't go on, He does care. And does know the end from the beginning and He is watching over me.

When I go through all these emotions, it's okay. He is still in control and He sees the big picture!

One of the hardest things to understand, is how God is still in control in the midst of great loss. Whether it be a death, a financial catastrophe, extreme health problems, whatever. Our first question is where is God. It is hard to know he is really there, unless we have planted the word in our hearts. The bible says out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So if the biggest thing we have in our heart is fear, doubt, and unbelief, of course we will question the presence and wisdom of God. It is very important for us to keep our hearts full of the word of God, so that when, NOT IF, trouble comes we will be prepared spiritually. Trouble does not negate the word, and promises, and blessings of God in our life. Unbelief does. I had my heart set toward the word, and toward God, during this time in my life, and because of it, I was able to hear the voice of the Lord, preparing me for what was to come. It gave me tremendous peace, knowing that my God was right there during it all, walking me through, carrying me at times, and speaking in that still small voice, letting me know he was there.

It is easier to look at the fear, and look at the doubt, and we want to blame someone when trouble comes. All to often we blame God. The bible says, that Satan came to steal, to kill, and destroy, and we are in this world. We aren't of it but we are in it. Death will come to us all. Somehow we always think it is not the right time for all of our loved ones. We don't want to let them go. So we go back to blaming God. When often times God is sparing them from a worse evil down the road. The righteous are taken away and no one ponders it to heart. We don't try to see things through our spiritual eyes, and trust God sees the big picture.

The more we have the word in us, the more our faith controls our circumstances, and our attitudes to our pain. We have to focus on faith, not doubt, and unbelief. That is where our victory lives. I hope this helped, and maybe gave you some hope you didn't have before. God really does care, he really is right there with you. We just need to tune in to him.

God Bless!

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